im so so so so so tired T_T. there was CCA yesterday, and i was so exhausted, i cabbed home. i went to watch MOAG with huix today, and i bought the NwP chinese version novel.
boy am i drained out. i shall go pamper myself with a nice body shop mask and drink black coffee to keep myself awake so i can watch Gung.
i almost got a nervy b. on thursday. i didn't study chem and chinese (not on purpose, of course), and i panicked like a mad cow. ----------------------------------------
i feel like such a failure. i used to think that the problem doesn't lie with me, but my ex-best friend. i used to think she was annoying, and she was always insulting the things i like, she didn't respect me, and she's always bragging about her other friends.
i had another friend, whom we both gossiped about her, i know its bad, but i merely played along with that friend, i thought it was quite harmless. it was only when that friend went to confront my ex-best friend and they got along well again, that i realized i can't trust anybody, and i just stopped talking to that friend.
My ex-best friend and i had a long talk the other day, so we are "just friends" now. i hated the competitive atmostphere whenever i was around her, and i always felt slightly inferior around her (i never did want to admit that), but now that we are "just friends", the feeling seemed to have slowly faded off.
i guess we knew each other too well, so well, we seem to have forgotten our good points. i feel really bad that i sort of made her appeal to my school. whenever i see her laughing with another group of friends, i will constantly remind myself that its a good thing because she is happy, even though i still feel a tinge of uneasiness.
i still get angry with her sometimes. sometimes. when she says "*high pitched voice (thats how her voice sounds like)* i hate my school lor! its so not fun. if i were in my other school...blah blah. i hate this school lor...u noe my friends from my other school..they say their impression of the school here is the people are fat and ugly lor.." i don't know if i have to right to be angry, since i partially asked her to appeal here.
in class, we are like strangers, we avoid eye contact, and we only talk if she has a question about homework and vice versa, she is she, with her friends. i cant pretend she's not there. sometimes i wonder how we even became best friends in the first place, we are just so different.
i never told anybody about this, so i guess it also makes this blog a private one then. i have lots more such stuff to "spill out", but i guess i will continue another day. jaa.
Everything in FC2.com feels like a stranger to me-- those curly wurly characters; i could only make out some that had some kind or another resemblance to Chinese. Crap.
Ok. i kind of had a nervy.b (Nervous breakdown, as how Georgia Nicholsan calls it) last night. -i- procrastinated, left work to the last minute, and was rushing bloody homework. i swear ima NEVER gonna procrastinate again. which is why, -i- set up a very good plan indeed: 7.30- E-math 8.15- A-math 8.45- Chemistry 9.45- Bio
BLAAAAAAAAAHHHHH. i saw this vintage shirt, which i so so so so so so so want badly. and a pair of checkered berms, and really cute pumps, and a really kawaii bowling bag from asiajam.com. i have 100 bucks, and i can only buy 3 items out of the following 4. HOW
Okay fine, I shall stop trying to string Japanese sentences based on my Baka brain. This is just a testing entry, and I'll be posting new words i learn each day here. Hopefully it will be consistent, and my Baka-brain will not be that Baka afterall.